Life dating someone 21 years older than you…

 

….is Fascinating! And so unpredictable.

Ever since I was in sixth grade, I recognized in me an attraction for older men. At this point in my age, I had a massive crush on my dad’s friend, Tully. Tully was in college and was around his early twenties. I knew my age and childlike appearance would never even give Tully a glance. I even thought that when I became an adult, I would still be considered too young for someone that much older than me.

In high school I had no attraction to anyone my own age. In fact, I would vocalize my opinion of boys versus men all the time, and how I could never date a “high school boy.” Ironically later, I would complain about how I was never asked out in high school…probably because I was much too open with my opinions. Hmm…silly me.

I never had much patience for boys because of their immaturity, their inability to get their shit together, and their selfish, childish views on relationships. Of course…this is to be expected of boys because they never really do “grow up” until their mid-30s. At least this is what my dad tells me:

“Don’t expect much from boys in their twenties,” Dad says, “because they don’t know any better yet. Give them a chance when they’re in their thirties or up. That’s when they’ve figured it out…usually.” And he tells me this because he admits that that was how he was in his twenties. Selfish, stubborn, and barely willing to be a team player in a relationship with a girl.

So far I haven’t said anything nice about boys. I want to point out that I have a lot of really great guy-friends. I love them and think they are great people. But I could never see myself in a relationship with them because of their age, both parts physical and mental. I get easily irritated when they don’t have a more mature view on the outside world. But I get irritated at anyone who can’t see outside themselves. It all adds up to how I personally want to be treated in a relationship. With respect, kindness, and thoughtfulness. Maybe my experiences with boys my age have not been very good, so I am jaded with these thoughts.

When I moved to California and began dating the Terminator, I was fascinated by the way he treated me with such caring attention. He was a real gentleman, humble and confident, kind. It took me aback once that he was ten years older than me. At the time, I thought a ten year gap was my limit.

Not anymore.

Now I’m dating a man twenty-one years older than me. And it’s like night and day. Man versus boy. Wildly unpredictable. Which actually makes me uneasy. When dating boys, I know what to expect; I know what they want. But men? There could be so many different things they want and I haven’t figured out the signs yet. With men, I don’t lose my patience, because they’ve got it together. With men, their sense of humor has matured, no longer silly and childish. And the deeper I analyze this, the more it makes sense how I would match better with an older man, than with my own age.

Most of my childhood was spent with adults at Christmas parties, closing show celebrations, fancy dinners with the cast of an opera, etc. I was brought up to be mature at five years old, to sit quietly in a restaurant full of adults drinking, laughing, and talking business.

It is no wonder I have no patience for unruly kids. I can’t stand them and think they should be smacked into maturity. At five, I remember sitting at a booth in a restaurant across from some other kid who kept climbing and whining everywhere. Even at five, I wanted to punch him and tell him to “sit still and shut up, stupid!”

If I do a breakdown comparison, it would go something like this: most boys still haven’t moved out of their mothers’ houses—men have lived alone for a while; boys don’t know where they’re going in life—men have already gone and done it; boys are still learning the ropes on how to have good sex—men have, well, A LOT of experience (they BETTER); boys don’t know quite how to treat girls—men treat them like women.

So I guess you can say I like skipping the boy phase and going straight for the man within.

Understand that my comparisons of boy versus man are simply general and come from personal experiences. I have met mature boys, or young men, and have met very immature older men (pricks, as I like to call them). So, all in all, it’s really based on character preference. And I’m also aware that there are some very stupid and immature girls out there. That’s why there’s a difference between a girl and a woman; a boy and a man. It may have nothing to do with age either, just the way one presents him/herself. I just find the differences fascinating.

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~ by Christanna Rowader on October 21, 2010.

2 Responses to “Life dating someone 21 years older than you…”

  1. Interesting observations. Men are definitely better than boys. If only there was a set age where you could actually tell when a boy was going to become a man. Some guys make it there a lot quicker than others. I guess it just comes gradually in most cases. It is fun to look back and see how far my husband has grown in maturity just in the 3 years we have been married.

    • Yes, I will admit some of the closest guy friends I have are very mature…in some ways. The maturity I’m looking for in a guy is the ability to work well within a relationship, to coexist, to communicate well and partner up. Mr. Georgia, so far, is showing these qualities. And this makes me very happy.

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